did you get engaged???
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
