do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
