I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize