i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
