I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize