haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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