We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
