the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
