great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
