Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
