He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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