Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
