i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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