Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he had hair everywhere except his balls
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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