i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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