i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
