New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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