question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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