I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
