My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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