i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
