is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize