In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
