last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
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