when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
do herpes really smell.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
