Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
