conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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