Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
