I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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