I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize