Already got asked if we're dating
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
