I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize