He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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