Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
