Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
