I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
