I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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