Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
