my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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