The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
