I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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