Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
