She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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