The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
