I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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