Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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