doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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