You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
