I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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