I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
