I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize