When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
