I want to stick my p in your. b.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
