Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize