I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
