But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
