I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize