So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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