These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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