look no pants
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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