the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
