respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
