Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize