Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
