i'm lost and i look like a hooker
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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