Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
