I wish my penis had an off switch
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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