i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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