So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm always down for nudity.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
