So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
