Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
