You're my little dorito
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize