I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
