Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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