Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize