I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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